Love Farleigh - Leslie and Janet’s Story
When Janet needed help to care for her husband, Leslie, she contacted Farleigh Hospice. She explains how the charity gave her family more time to make precious memories together and helped them to cope with their grief.
“I met Leslie in 1976 at a mutual friend’s wedding. We got married three years later and have two daughters, Sarah and Claire. He was very family-oriented and he loved sport – anything with a ball! Leslie was a fan of Tottenham Hotspur and was well-known at Chelmsford City Football Club, where he worked behind the scenes.
In January 2017, Leslie was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had radiotherapy and we were so relieved when he was given the all clear. Then in 2020, just before lockdown, he had problems with his back. He went to see a chiropractor who was concerned and sent him back to the doctor. Leslie had various tests which showed that the cancer had returned and had spread into his bones.
Leslie had chemotherapy, first by tablet and then through a drip, along with a bone-strengthening infusion. Then, in 2022 he had radium treatment at Southend Hospital but decided to stop after three sessions, because it made him feel so unwell. Obviously, this wasn’t what the family and I wanted to hear, but we supported his decision. It was such a difficult time, made harder by Covid. I took early retirement so I could take him to appointments, sort out his pain relief and be at home with him, because some days he could barely stand up.
One horrendous night in October 2022, he had a fall in the early hours and I couldn’t get him back into bed. I had to call Sarah, who sent her husband over to help me lift him up. She knew we couldn’t go on like this as I was both mentally and physically exhausted. We needed help to look after Leslie, so we got in touch with Farleigh Hospice.
Someone from Farleigh quickly came to see us and took over everything. They arranged for carers to come in twice a day to help with Leslie’s personal care, getting him washed and dressed so he was clean and comfortable. I felt relieved because he was getting the right kind of help and I wasn’t on my own anymore.
After a week, one of Farleigh’s Clinical Nurse Specialists visited Leslie and then explained to me that he was now moving towards end of life care. This was a shock, although we were expecting it. When a bed became available in the Inpatient Unit at the hospice, he decided that he wanted to spend his final days there.
As the vehicle arrived to take Leslie to the hospice, I told him I was ready, but I really wasn’t. I just couldn’t imagine him not being at home with me anymore, but I knew he was making the best decision for himself and our family.
When we got to Farleigh, he was wheeled into his own lovely room and the nurse told me that I could stop being his carer now and become his wife again, which meant so much to me. The staff, the surroundings, everything was as good as it could be - we couldn’t have asked for more.
Leslie had a better quality of life at Farleigh because he had around-the-clock pain relief and nursing care. His health plateaued for a few weeks, giving us more ‘good’ days together.
My daughters were very impressed with Farleigh’s care. Claire describes the hospice as a ‘hidden sanctuary’ where the ‘nurses and doctors have the time to sit and listen and be there for you’. Sarah was happy to bring in Ivy, aged 10, and Poppy, aged 7, to see their grandad and we even had a small second birthday celebration there for Claire’s son, Callum.
When Leslie’s health started to decline again, Sarah, Claire and I were able to be with him all of the time, so he was never alone. He passed away peacefully at Farleigh in the early hours of 25 November 2022, aged 67.
Leslie was my soulmate. We’d been together for 46 years, so it really was like I’d lost a limb. Farleigh had arranged family support counselling for me while Leslie was at the hospice. It’s a hugely positive experience because you can just speak your mind without any judgments, which is sometimes just what you need.
Then, in August 2023, I started going to one of Farleigh’s grief counselling groups and it’s one of the best things I could have done. I’ve met some lovely people there including someone who lost her long-term partner two weeks before I lost Leslie. We’ve both had similar experiences and have become the best of friends.
Sarah and Claire have also had grief counselling and they’ve both said how good it was. My family are eternally thankful for Farleigh’s care and support.
We now do as much fundraising as we can and my daughters and I have taken part in the charity’s events including Walk for Life, Cycle for Life and Santa Fun Run. Ivy and Poppy have been helping too. We also organised a fundraising bingo night which raised £2,000.
Without Farleigh Hospice, life would have been harder and more traumatic for us all. The care they gave my husband, Leslie, at home and at the Inpatient Unit was excellent. The hospice itself is a calm and beautiful place and there was always a member of staff or a volunteer who we could talk to. We couldn’t have asked for anything better and we couldn’t be more grateful.”