Farleigh's Forget-me-not appeal - Andy and Gill’s Story

Gill explains how the charity’s excellent care and support made a huge difference to her family at this difficult time.

I first met Andy at teacher training college in 1972 and we got married six years later. He was full of fun and was a wonderful dad to our three sons, Mark, Steve and James, and a brilliant grandad to Emily, Joshua and Oliver.

He was very active within the local community, cared deeply about the environment and was a fine guitarist.

Andy liked to live healthily and was very careful about his diet and exercise. He was also interested in complementary therapies. As he took such good care of himself, I didn’t ever expect him to suddenly become so seriously ill.

In April 2022, Andy came back from a walk to the local shop, saying he felt a bit unsteady. He dismissed it as vertigo and sensibly stopped driving for a while.

By August, he was feeling better and ten of us went on a family holiday to Cornwall. Andy was quite unwell for a few days and we assumed he had a tummy bug. We became worried and took him to the local hospital on the day before we were due to return home.

He was given a scan and we were shocked when they told us that he had a brain tumour. Fluid had built up in his brain and the pressure was causing him to be sick.

We came home and took Andy to Broomfield Hospital where he was referred to Queens Hospital in Romford and then, by September, Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge. They monitored the progress of the tumour with regular MRI scans and he was given steroids to reduce the swelling and help manage the symptoms.

When Andy was told he might only have a few months left, he remained very positive - I think he always hoped he could beat it by living and eating healthily.

We continued to do the things we enjoyed, like going for walks and to the cinema, and looking after our grandchildren. Occasionally, his health would have a sudden dip, then he’d be given more steroids and he’d be back up again.

From February 2023, Andy’s physical and cognitive health really declined as the tumour got worse. I found myself changing from his wife to his carer, which was very hard.

In April, his care was transferred to his GP and the district nurses and he was referred to Farleigh Hospice. Andy would get confused and his mobility was also affected by the tumour. Sometimes he could walk with a frame but on other days he needed a wheelchair. Farleigh’s occupational therapist organised a hospital-type bed so he could sleep in the dining room, which made things easier, and the charity’s carers began daily visits to get him washed and dressed from June.

I can honestly say that the best part of our day was when Farleigh’s carers arrived. Their visits were so uplifting when we were having such a difficult time. Andy trusted them with his personal care and I was very happy to have them in our home. They were angels – every single one of them was fantastic.

Farleigh’s complementary therapist gave Andy and I some reflexology and massage to help relieve our stress and he really enjoyed talking to her. I could call Farleigh’s advice line to speak to a Clinical Nurse Specialist if I had any questions about Andy’s health. The hospice’s Family Support Team also arranged for James and I to have someone to regularly chat with, which was really helpful.

Andy’s health got worse throughout the summer and his speech and sight were also affected. By September, I was finding it very difficult to look after him and my sons became quite concerned. We were very lucky that Farleigh Hospice was able to admit him to its Inpatient Unit to help manage his symptoms. Andy and I had always promised to look after each other at home. While I was very grateful to Farleigh, I really felt that I’d failed him because I couldn’t carry on.

My sons were with me the next day as he was admitted. The Farleigh team could see I was distressed and took me somewhere quiet while they settled him into a beautiful room looking out over a courtyard. They were incredibly calm, caring and supportive to us all. I soon realised that I couldn’t have given Andy the same excellent quality of care as Farleigh, so he was in the right place.

It was a very emotional time for the whole family but also quite special for me as I was back to being Andy’s wife again while Farleigh cared for him and made him comfortable. It was lovely that my family and I could be with him all of the time.

I hadn’t realised how unwell Andy was. As the week progressed, he became less responsive, just occasionally squeezing my hand, and he passed away there on 9 October 2023, aged 70.

Farleigh was very supportive, both immediately after Andy’s death and in the following months. James and I continued to receive Family Support until that Christmas and then later had grief counselling. It gives you the chance to talk and say what you want without being judged, which has been very beneficial for us both.

It’s hard to live on my own after 51 years with Andy. I miss him and I’m grateful for the incredible support from my sons and my daughters-in-law, Katy and Nikki, and my family and friends. I’ve joined Farleigh’s Community Choir and I also go to the charity’s Memory Makers craft workshops which I really enjoy.

We’ve been fundraising for Farleigh to say thank you, starting with a collection at Andy’s funeral. Mark was sponsored to cycle 100km at Cycle for Life last year and James has been designing and selling Christmas cards. We’ve raised over £5,000 so far and Steve is running the 2026 London Marathon.

I don’t know what I would have done without Farleigh Hospice. The care and support given to Andy and our family throughout his illness and at the end of his life was just wonderful. It’s an amazing charity and everyone who works there is very special. I have nothing but praise for them all.”

This year's Forget-me-not service takes place on Saturday 28 June at 3pm and all are welcome. For more details and to book click HERE

If you would like to make a donation to our Forget-me-not appeal, please click HERE

As a special thank you, we will send you a beautiful, seed-imprinted Forget-me-not flower card to plant in memory of your loved one.